A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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