did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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