It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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