Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
