I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
