but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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