I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
