I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
