Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
