I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have fence marks all over my body
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
