I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
