Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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