i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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