saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I didn't shave. On purpose
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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