Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
