My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
