PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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