dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
