i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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