Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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