last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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