had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
