so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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