I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
