Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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