And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
