forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think a kid would responsible me up
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
