Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
