i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
