I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
