Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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