if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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