I was born with a shot glass in my hand
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
