The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
