oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
