Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Found the puke drawer
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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