Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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