Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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