I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
