Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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