I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
