ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
