please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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