I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
