Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
