I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
