My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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