LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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