I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
