you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
