we have officially lost it.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
