Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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