Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
