No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
