I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
