Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
