you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
