Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
