I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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