It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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