apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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