I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
