The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
