Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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