I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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