I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
