just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
